Poe ‘Vices

RE: Meatless in Missouri

Message
Dear Poe, I’m a vegetarian, which means I don’t eat meat. So your advice to always eat chicken won’t help me. Now that Trump has tanked the economy – I can’t afford to buy eggs of fresh vegetables. What should I do?

Poe-plies:

Dear RE: Meatless in Missouri,

YOUZ WHATS NOWS??

OKAY. LISTEN.

No. ME LISTEN TO ME. (Poe)

YOUZ VEGETARIN?!
You no eats chickens?
Not eat ANY THINGS WITH LEGSES?
MEATSLESS?

WHATS?

My momma 2, she be titless and I iz OK wif thats — but meatlesses?
Weirds.
I means—YOU OKAYs?
Youz got dropped as ickle kitten? ON HEAD?

BUT OKAY. I supposes I respects it.
(That word means “no bites ‘less absolutesly necessary.” Thatz what Momma One says all times. Poe no bitings. No needs.)

BUT STILL.

This big PROBLEM. HUGES.

Trump broked the ‘conomy?
Big Basteward.
Yeah. No ‘prises there.
’Cept thems nuggets tha’ thinks he gonna do good stuffs while eating chickens for frees. And eggsiz.

I blame him when the birds fly aways too. Bastard.

Eggs too spensive. Vegs all dead. #Sads.
The World be all hots and crunchy nows.
Even Fridge Light gone cold.
Dark times.

I SCREAM FOR YOUs, MISSOURI.

BUT NOW. MY ‘DVICES:

🐔 Grow Chickens.

Not for eats. FOR HUGS.
Warm. Feathery. Sometimes screams. Like me.
Emotional Support Poultrys. Good for souls.

🌙 Eat Dweams.

I does it all time. I dweam chickin, then I chewsiz on the red curtainsis.
Me no likes the green ones. Toos geen.
Reds be DELICIOUS.
1% nutrition, 900% transcendence.

🥬 Steal der Salads.

From the humans.
They NEVER notices when greens go missings.
LETTUCE my secret victim.

🔥 Channel der Rage.

You can’t afford veg?
SCREAM AT SKY.
Or the toaster.
Or the neighbour’s dog.
VERY HEALING. ‘Thartic I thinks.

Call uz repwesentatifs.
BUT THEY NO LISNING.
Theys too busys worrying where the humansis be peeing.
LIKE MOWGLIS. He no listens too.
But he don’ts cares where I pisses. Hez not so bads brofer.

😾 If all elses fails…

Eat Trumps.
(He bigs likes turkeys. And he not really meats coz meats thatz be pink or nuddy colour.
He fakes meats. Like satsumas. I don’t likes satsumas but you veggie-nungent so I supposes you haz to likes them. Survivals of the kittest)

🟠💩🎺🧠❌

Anywayz.
You no need chickins.

You haz SPITE.
And that be kitty’s best fwend.

You can always lick a rock for calcium. Or iron. Maybe.
Youz be big and strong like ME.

THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS…
EAT. CHICKENS.

In yous minds. In yous souls.

Chickens.
Paws of Power,
Me (Poe) x

P.S. You want more ‘vices?

Include snacks. Or don’t bothers.

Chickens@mepoe.catmail.coms