Dear JD Pant second pant shitter in line to the not throne,

Ohhhh wow.
Ohh ho ho ho ho. 🙀
Me (Poe) be do read your lettirs.
I (me Poe) be cried. But not from sadness you understands. From big belly laughs. And also chicken fumes.

JD. You is a noodle. But not smart ones. Not ramens. You is be like undercooked sgettis scraped from back of waffle house booth. Limp. Gooeys. Unseasoned. What you needs is salt. And wasabis.

You be afraid of what?
Water?
Glass?
Brown man in fancy shirt who says words like “infrastructure” and knows what they means?
Ooooo spooky! So fright! Very boo! HOO!

Listen: just because he be drinks water don’t mean he be plotting. Some peoples drink water to LIVES. You should try. You look like raisins in a polyester suit.

Also Zohran? He not Marvel villain. You thinks all names with “Q” or “Z” is be enemy of freedoms? Guess what. My vet be called Zeebaq and he saved my butt hole twice. So. The end.

Now. You says he drinks water AND knows abouts Palestine?
That’s be two strikes in your dumbass baseball, huh?
Guess what, shit boy. Me (Poe) also knows Palestine. Poe be do Googled too. Called educations. And readings. You shoulds be try sometimes.

AND THEEEEEN.
You wants me do whats now?
Audit spelling bees?
Discredits man for speaking goods and wearing shirt with buttons?
JD. No. Poe will not helps you stop the crossword jihad. You be on your owns. Try Wordle. Maybes train yous brains ‘stead of pooping yous pamtsis.

Also. Deport who?
You be Vice President of maybe. Not of actuals. You got big boy dreams but baby raccoon hands. Not even opposable. Just grabby.

Also you says you not racist because immigrant sews your pants? That be like me say me not bird-murderer because I once be kissed a pigeon. (I did. Was beautiful. His name be Earls. Long stories.)

Now. Important:
You says you be sweating through fancy pants? Good. Let the freedoms juices flow. Soak yourself, Patriots Sponge.

Last thing.
You says:

“I’m not racist, I just miss when mayors looked like me.”

You knows who else says this things like this? Racists. That be you.

Now. Finals Poe (Mez) tip:
If infrastructure be in bloodstream now? Hugs it. Build bridges. Not bombs. Build trains. Not brainworms. And ditch the orange. He no be good for brains. He worms. Not brains.

Also. Eat chickens.
And shuttie your pants not be shitty your pants.

Oh and also finallys. Definitely finallies. I big (mediums-sizedis) black cat. HA! 🐈‍⬛Coz #blackcatsmatters

Sincerelies,
Poe.
(Oracle. Glamazon. Political cartographer. Wielder of truth lasersis. Pants-optional)

📧 Send me more confusions: Chickens@mepoe.catmail.coms

ALso PPS:

🍗 Buy Poes (mez) a Chickens. Pleez

And I has new products special for you. You can pay in chickens share. But I acceptssis sausagees toos. No? OK.