Hi nice to meet
You.
We just got married.
“Do you use a dildo?”
Why? Do you fuck your missus
Up the ass?
What response
Do you want?
What reply
Would feed your
Masculinity?
Make your dick feel
Big and strong.
Valid.
What response
Would make us invisible –
Less
Us in this crowd
Of toxic
Maleness
we’ve had rammed
Down our throats
Our whole lives –
Like a blow job
We never asked
For
but got
Anyway.
Because you could.
Because you
Can.
Because you
did.
Looming over us –
Intimidating by design.
Predictable.
Where are you from?
America –
Your toxic
Tension
Menacing
Like the static
Of electric
Before it hits.
A punch to the face?
A kick in the stomach –
For what –
Not falling
For
Your charm.
Prince?
Why are you here?
I married the love of my life
Which one of you fucks the other?
This is what I hear
Excuse me?
This is your chance to not say that again
You don’t take it.
“Which one of you uses the dildo?”
Fuck off
Find someone else –
To man off to.
You’re laughing but this isn’t cute
We’re laughing for another purpose.
It isn’t cute.
“I just have to say what comes to mind”
I just have to sit silently
I know your type
We both do.
Violence before thought
A fist to the face
When you’re challenged
Your mates won’t stop you
They might be sheep now
When it comes to it
They’ll stoop to your level
Standing over us
With beer foam on your beard
And unfocused eyes
Slurring the words
That should be
Inside thoughts
If thoughts at all.
“You missed out on that one”
It’s dripping with sarcasm
As we walk through the door
Back home
Away from
This stupidity
This stupidity, with an undertow of hate
Bemoaning the boyhoods
That have turned out these men
Into this sinister thing
That haunts us.
You think we laughed
At your “jokes”
That was actually
Us bargaining for our lives
You see
Being queer and being in female bodies
We are always bargaining for our lives
And so
We laugh.
If this resonated, share it on Bluesky (or anywhere folks still have an attention span longer than a moth after a sleepless night), leave us a comment, or check out our latest anthologies
Poetry Collection, ‘Is this all we get?’
Prose Collection, ‘ Fifth Avenue Pizza’
Discover more from River and Celia Underland
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This is a powerful and necessary piece. As a trans man, I’ve also faced invasive questions and felt that tension of being made to justify my existence. The way you capture not just the inappropriate curiosity, but also the fear, the bargaining, and the everyday weight of navigating toxic masculinity is striking. Thank you for putting these realities into words and sharing them so honestly.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, we really do appreciate the feedback. Honesty into the void can be tough! We are sorry that it resonates with you and wish that you hadn’t had to deal with such. Sadly the world is not as fair as we would like it to be. Take care of you 💜
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