Akela returns with righteous rage and ear drops. While the humans celebrate Salt in the Wound, she reminds us who the real wounded party is. Featuring vet betrayal, unsolicited ear juice, and Mowgli’s tragic (and possibly theatrical) loss of voice. The pillow has fallen. The diva has risen.
Category Archives: The Catdiva Monologues
Volume XI: The Rogit Return. The Pillow Theft. The Audacity.
The wardrobe is gone. The sausages have stopped. Rodgit has fled. Again.
Akela Jean Underland, High Priestess of Passive-Aggression and Former Pillow Monarch, returns with a new monologue from the crumb-laden trenches.
This week: she mourns her sanctuary, rages against unjust nicknames, and plots vengeance from atop the coat pile.
Because when the sausages end… so does civility.
Volume IX: The Suitcase. The Sorrow. The Smothering.
There is a suitcase in the hallway.
Rodgit has vanished. Poe is acting… cuddly.
Akela Jean Underland does not approve.
In this week’s Catdiva Monologue, she processes the scent of betrayal, the encroachment of affection, and the growing threat of something called “Thailand.”
Elegance endures. Trust does not.
Volume VIII: The Zine, the Rodgit, and the Rains of Betrayal.
“Then they published it. Then they were happy. Oh you should have seen it. Such betrayal. They hugged. Each other of course. I… I was not included.”
This week, Akela Jean Underland reflects on emotional neglect, soggy flirtations, and suspicious furniture movement. The zine has stolen her mothers’ affection, Rodgit has returned (again), and something unsettling lurks beneath the damp.
The Catdiva Monologues Volume VII: Return of the Rogit, Rise of the Miserable Sun. Descent.
He rubs their faces like some simpering little orphan in a Dickensian melodrama. ‘Oh please, Mother, can I have some more…’ Why I—I could—”
This week, betrayal comes in paw form. Mowgli’s stolen tactics, Rogit’s soggy flirtations, and the unspeakable horror of a brush to the face push Akela Jean Underland to the edge (of the basin). Volume VI: Pawprints of Betrayal, Bristles of War is live now.
The Catdiva Monologues Volume VI: Return of the Rogit, Rise of the Miserable Sun. Descent.
Locked in. Doors shut. Biscuits wrong. Mothers in Turkey. In The Catdiva Monologues: Volume V, Akela Jean Underland recounts the horror of her abandonment with biting wit and theatrical disdain. A tale of closed doors, unseasoned men, and feline fortitude. Unlicked. Unfed. Unimpressed.
The Catdiva Monologues Volume V
Locked in. Doors shut. Biscuits wrong. Mothers in Turkey. In The Catdiva Monologues: Volume V, Akela Jean Underland recounts the horror of her abandonment with biting wit and theatrical disdain. A tale of closed doors, unseasoned men, and feline fortitude. Unlicked. Unfed. Unimpressed.
The Catdiva Monologues Volume III
Akela Jean Underland has had enough. The suitcases are back, Rogit is encroaching, and — Bastet help us — the chicken has entered the kitchen. Unlicked, betrayed, and emotionally unraveling, our Catdiva delivers a devastating monologue in three acts.
Let them come. She remains… dramatic.
The Catdiva Monologues Volume II
It has gone. Vanished.
Whisked away by whatever foul and frivolous force first summoned it here. It is neither my concern nor want to investigate the phenomenon of its appearance and subsequent disappearance. I shall just take a deep, exhausted breath.
The Catdiva Monologues
They brought it home.
That floppy, bug-eared interloper.
That sycophantic imposter
It has breath like betrayal and a brain possessed by the caninion devil on LSD after coffee and a slurp of Red Bull.
