Mowgli: Conducts 3 a.m. Perimeter Checks. Claims Chicken Intrusion Was “Foreseeable.” Demands Greater Investment in Home Security (i.e. Treats).
Akela: Dramatic Monologue Interrupted by Packing Tape. Declares Suitcase “a Symbol of Betrayal.” Spends afternoon sulking in the pear box.
Poe: Cuddles Increase. Suspicion Also Increases. Accused of Emotional Manipulation. Pleads “Too Cute to Prosecute.”
This Week in Underland:
- Tickets, Terrors, and a Chicken Named Ethel:
Off to Thailand. Proof in the inbox. Mowgli is not impressed. Ethel the chicken invades. Emotional stability wavers. But the zine? Nearly 600 reads. Not bad for a couple of queers with a WordPress login. - Firepits, Furballs, and Feral Visitors:
Garden serenity achieved—until a chicken with boundary issues breaks into the bedroom. The cats are unbothered. Dignity lost somewhere between the compost bin and the broom - Dispatches, Daydreams, and Delayed Panic:
We wrote our Thursday post on a Wednesday because time is fake. Adventure calls. Reality bites. Packing avoidance is at an all-time high. Someone please invent emotional bubble wrap.
This week has brought almost too much excitement for us to handle here in We’re writing the Thursday dispatches on Wednesday this week because we’re heading off on a little adventure this weekend—we’re going to visit Celia’s good friend in King’s Lynn. We’re both really looking forward to getting out of Newport for a bit, and I’m especially excited to finally meet Celia’s friend in person.
We have plane tickets! Everything is starting to feel more real now, which is both incredible and a little scary. We’ll be arriving in Thailand at 3 p.m. on August 7th. Once we’ve got the cats and are settled into our new home, it’ll be all systems go. It’s been lovely living in our little bubble together, but we’re so ready for our life to begin properly.
Lately, we’ve been spending more time in the garden. We’ve got a little fire pit, and the cats enjoy prancing around in the grass. It’s peaceful and gentle—just the way we like it.
There is a slightly less gentle part of our garden evenings, though. Our neighbour’s chicken—her name is Martha, or possibly Velma, or Ethel; she’s a woman of many aliases—has taken a liking to our house. She strolls in through the open kitchen door, and we’ve found her in our bed, on Mowgli’s windowsill, and various other unexpected places. We’ve spent more time than we’d like chasing her down so we can hand her back. It might be charming if she didn’t keep leaving us “gifts” that are decidedly not eggs. I am officially over cleaning chicken poop off the floor. That said, she’s full of personality and definitely puts up an argument when we try to send her home.
Overall, it’s been a quieter week—which has been a welcome change. We’re in our recovery era, and we’re okay with that. Soon enough, we’ll be back in motion, on new adventures together.
R x
We’ve been so focused on the zine lately that Thailand felt miles away. Incidentally, it’s had nearly 600 reads so far—which I think is a pretty decent debut. I mean, anything’s better than zero, right?
Then this morning, the tickets landed in my inbox. And honestly, I’m not sure how to feel. A bit shocked. Happy. Kind of sad. A little bit excited. It’s weird and wonderful all at once.
What’s not wonderful is the thought of transferring the cats to their new home. I’ve got a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. Mowgli is a notoriously bad traveller—we’re talking full meltdown: puking, pooping, gasping panic attacks in his carrier. But once he arrives, he’s fine. Chilled, even. This will be Akela and Poe’s first time flying, so… we’ll see how they fare. Fingers crossed.
C x
☍ The Underland Review
Out Now.
Read it…
And Weep.
The Underland Review: Issue One – This Zine Is a Lie is now live.
57 pages of soft monsters, glitch-lit poetry, haunted prose, cursed diagrams, and art that shouldn’t exist but does anyway. A digital archive stitched together with pocket lint, rage, and love.
☍ READ THE ZINE
Free to read, cursed to absorb. Share it with your coven, your nemesis, your local librarian.
☍ DOWNLOAD THE ZINE (Pay What You Want)
Keep a high-res PDF in your glitch archive. Every donation helps us print more, distribute wider, and one day pay the beautiful liars who make this possible.
☍ ORDER A PRINT COPY ($5.55 + your soul)
Hold the lie in your hands. Smell the ink. Feel the contradiction.
☍ Submissions for Issue Two Are Open
Deadline: Midnight August 10th, 2025
We’re seeking: poetry, prose, essays, visual art, sound pieces, spoken word, and other beautiful misfits. If it glitches, bleeds, howls, or doesn’t fit in polite company — we want it.
We accept text, image, and audio formats. MP3s, JPGs, PDFs, .docx, strange attachments — bring us your fragments. Collaborative works are welcome.
Email us at: riverandceliainunderland@gmail.com
Subject line: THIS IS A LIE – [Your Name]
Thank you for reading. Thank you for believing in beautiful contradictions.
We were never here.
— River & Celia
Curators of Lies, Underland Division

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Poetry Collection, ‘Is this all we get?’
Prose Collection, ‘ Fifth Avenue Pizza’
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