Volume IX: The Suitcase. The Sorrow. The Smothering.

By Akela Jean Underland, Duchess of the Damp Towel, Heiress to the Unloved Pillow, Radiator Recluse Emerita


C-ACT I: THE OBJECT

There is a suitcase in the hallway. Loitering.

I know what it means.
They coo. They laugh. “Thailand,” they say.
As if the syllables are not soaked in doom.

Thailand.
Sounds like a place where string goes to die.
Where feathers are forever un-fluttered.
Where no one knows your name, or the exact volume your meow is supposed to be.

Where hugs don’t come for free.

They think I do not see the subtle pile of folded betrayal.
They think I do not hear the quiet zip of desertion.
But I do.

I see everything.

They speak of it like an adventure.
I am unmoved.
I have already been somewhere. It was called Trust, and I have since departed.


C-ACT II: THE DEPARTURE

Rodgit is still gone.

I don’t care.
He was never welcome.
He was floppy. He winked. He smelled of mild mildew and misplaced affection.

…Still.

I don’t care.
But I do leave the window open, just a little.
For airflow.

Not for him.

Just… airflow.


C-ACT III: THE POE CREEPETH

Poe has become… affectionate.

She nuzzled me.
Twice.

I was not prepared.

There is nothing more unnerving than a Goth in a good mood.
I awoke from a dignified rage-nap to find her paw resting near mine.
Not on. Near.

An invasion of territory. A flirtation with intimacy.

I stood. I stretched. I pretended I needed water.


Curtain Call: A Statement

Let them talk of Thailand.
Let them roll their wheels and praise the sea.

I will remain.

The towel may be damp.
The food may be late.
The Poe may encroach.

But I am Akela Jean Underland.
I do not blink first.
I do not snuggle.

I do not forget.

(Cue distant suitcase zip. Cue mournful wind through the blinds. Cue soft hiss beneath the radiator, untranslated.)

Underland Updates
✒️ 🎤 👑 📜 🐔 🏰 😼 🤖

☍ The Underland Review

Out Now.

Read it…

And Weep.

The Underland Review: Issue One – This Zine Is a Lie is now live.

57 pages of soft monsters, glitch-lit poetry, haunted prose, cursed diagrams, and art that shouldn’t exist but does anyway. A digital archive stitched together with pocket lint, rage, and love.

READ THE ZINE

Free to read, cursed to absorb. Share it with your coven, your nemesis, your local librarian.

DOWNLOAD THE ZINE (Pay What You Want)

Keep a high-res PDF in your glitch archive. Every donation helps us print more, distribute wider, and one day pay the beautiful liars who make this possible.

ORDER A PRINT COPY ($5.55 + your soul)

Hold the lie in your hands. Smell the ink. Feel the contradiction.


☍ Submissions for Issue Two Are Open

Deadline: Midnight August 10th, 2025

We’re seeking: poetry, prose, essays, visual art, sound pieces, spoken word, and other beautiful misfits. If it glitches, bleeds, howls, or doesn’t fit in polite company — we want it.

We accept text, image, and audio formats. MP3s, JPGs, PDFs, .docx, strange attachments — bring us your fragments. Collaborative works are welcome.

Email us at: riverandceliainunderland@gmail.com
Subject line: THIS IS A LIE – [Your Name]


Thank you for reading. Thank you for believing in beautiful contradictions.

We were never here.

— River & Celia
Curators of Lies, Underland Division


Discover more from River and Celia Underland

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Leave a Comment