By Akela Jean Underland, Duchess of the Damp Towel, Heiress to the Unloved Pillow, Radiator Recluse Emerita

C-ACT I: THE OBJECT
There is a suitcase in the hallway. Loitering.
I know what it means.
They coo. They laugh. “Thailand,” they say.
As if the syllables are not soaked in doom.
Thailand.
Sounds like a place where string goes to die.
Where feathers are forever un-fluttered.
Where no one knows your name, or the exact volume your meow is supposed to be.
Where hugs don’t come for free.
They think I do not see the subtle pile of folded betrayal.
They think I do not hear the quiet zip of desertion.
But I do.
I see everything.
They speak of it like an adventure.
I am unmoved.
I have already been somewhere. It was called Trust, and I have since departed.
C-ACT II: THE DEPARTURE
Rodgit is still gone.
I don’t care.
He was never welcome.
He was floppy. He winked. He smelled of mild mildew and misplaced affection.
…Still.
I don’t care.
But I do leave the window open, just a little.
For airflow.
Not for him.
Just… airflow.
C-ACT III: THE POE CREEPETH
Poe has become… affectionate.
She nuzzled me.
Twice.
I was not prepared.
There is nothing more unnerving than a Goth in a good mood.
I awoke from a dignified rage-nap to find her paw resting near mine.
Not on. Near.
An invasion of territory. A flirtation with intimacy.
I stood. I stretched. I pretended I needed water.
Curtain Call: A Statement
Let them talk of Thailand.
Let them roll their wheels and praise the sea.
I will remain.
The towel may be damp.
The food may be late.
The Poe may encroach.
But I am Akela Jean Underland.
I do not blink first.
I do not snuggle.
I do not forget.
(Cue distant suitcase zip. Cue mournful wind through the blinds. Cue soft hiss beneath the radiator, untranslated.)
☍ The Underland Review
Out Now.
Read it…
And Weep.
The Underland Review: Issue One – This Zine Is a Lie is now live.
57 pages of soft monsters, glitch-lit poetry, haunted prose, cursed diagrams, and art that shouldn’t exist but does anyway. A digital archive stitched together with pocket lint, rage, and love.
☍ READ THE ZINE
Free to read, cursed to absorb. Share it with your coven, your nemesis, your local librarian.
☍ DOWNLOAD THE ZINE (Pay What You Want)
Keep a high-res PDF in your glitch archive. Every donation helps us print more, distribute wider, and one day pay the beautiful liars who make this possible.
☍ ORDER A PRINT COPY ($5.55 + your soul)
Hold the lie in your hands. Smell the ink. Feel the contradiction.
☍ Submissions for Issue Two Are Open
Deadline: Midnight August 10th, 2025
We’re seeking: poetry, prose, essays, visual art, sound pieces, spoken word, and other beautiful misfits. If it glitches, bleeds, howls, or doesn’t fit in polite company — we want it.
We accept text, image, and audio formats. MP3s, JPGs, PDFs, .docx, strange attachments — bring us your fragments. Collaborative works are welcome.
Email us at: riverandceliainunderland@gmail.com
Subject line: THIS IS A LIE – [Your Name]
Thank you for reading. Thank you for believing in beautiful contradictions.
We were never here.
— River & Celia
Curators of Lies, Underland Division
Discover more from River and Celia Underland
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
